Love It When You Call Me Legs
by allthespencers
Summary: Spencer and Ashley meet in college and have an obvious attraction but struggle to open up to true love over the years.


**Hi! This is a short story I wrote for my creative writing class that I wanted to get out there and get more feedback on so I hope everyone likes it! **

* * *

Love It When You Call Me Legs

Losing wasn't something that Spencer Carlin was good at. Since she got accepted on a full ride to UCLA playing soccer; however, she had learned that it was all part of the game, that she shouldn't blame herself and carry the guilt. Despite herself, a loss always left her feeling lousy.

The night they lost to UNC wasn't an exception. The game had been hectic, it was their last chance to make it to the Final Four and half of the student body was there screaming their lungs out at them all night. Spencer enjoying the calm in the night barren parking lot as she dragged her sore body to her car after the frustrating game.

"Hey, you got a light?" a voice came from the middle of the lot, off to her right. Spencer looked over and a brunette was sitting atop a car trunk. Legs crossed, cigarette poised between long slender fingers with bright red nails. There was a pull in Spencer's chest, like someone hitched up her lungs up to their hemi and slammed on the gas. She took a cleat to the chest tonight; maybe she wasn't as fine as she thought.

"No I…I don't smoke" Spencer replied, stumbling over her words a bit.

"No, of course not. None of you athletic types do huh?" The girl put the cigarette in her purse and slid off the trunk as if she were melting under the moonlight. "You're the girl who took that kick to the chest aren't you?"

"Yeah," Spencer rubbed the back of her neck, "glad you recognize me for that."

"Well I did notice those legs of yours at first sweetheart. I would kill for those but you'll never catch me running that much."

Trying not to leer too much, Spencer scanned down her body, not much was left to the imagination under the tight shorts and tank top. "I don't think you have to worry too much about that. Sweetheart."

A wide grin spread across the young woman's face. "Cute," the brunette's phone started vibrating, "That's probably my ride looking for me. I'll see you around, Legs" Ashley disappeared into the throng of cars leaving Spencer alone again, with an odd pull in her chest and smile playing on her lips. 

* * *

Spencer wasn't much for parties. She would much rather be curled up in her tiny dorm bed on a hot date with her laptop and Netflix. But Macy, her teammate and roommate was having none of that. Macy started yelling about how she was wasting her college years being lame and anti-social, all the while riffling through their shared closet looking desperately for something for Spencer to wear other than sweats. "Now we're gonna go out and we're gonna look hot and I'm gonna talk to some cute guys and _you_ are going to meet a cute girl" Macy said pushing a tiny blue dress at her.

So Spencer was there sipping the same beer all night, hands constantly pulling down the bottom of the dress, trying to hide her athletic thighs. The only people she knew were her fellow soccer players, both male and female, at the party. She milled about, mostly against the wall making light conversation about classes and practice, checking her phone every five minutes waiting for an appropriate time to leave.

The brunette that Spencer had met in the parking lot after the UNC last week walked in off the patio and that pull in her chest returned. The woman's eyes, which had been scanning the room drifted and locked on to Spencer's. She smiled and pushed her way through sweaty bodies to get over to Spencer. "Hey, Legs" the brunette shouted over the music. "I was hoping you would be here."

Before Spencer could respond, Marco Gonzales, a well-meaning but sometimes pig-headed striker on the men's soccer team, came in behind the brunette and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, claiming his possession. The roar and cacophony of the party flooded into Spencer's head and her beer felt like a brick in her hand. She was definitely ready to go home. Marco introduced Ashley Davies to the group of soccer players that had drifted together in the mass of bodies. The brunette was anything but shy; it took all but two seconds for the guys to get her to go play flip cup. Marco, Luis, Bradley all tried to pull Spencer along with them but her feet planted fast into the ground and excuses of driving and early practice flew out of her mouth.

Once midnight finally rolled around, Spencer made large strides for the door. Her friends kept trying to pull her back in the thick of spilled liquor and slurred words.

"Spencer come on, it's so early"

"No, I have practice in the morning"

"Spencer just do this shot with me"

"No, I have practice in the morning"

"Spencer I'll take you home just stay"

"No, I have practice in the morning"

Spencer finally got out the door and the cold night air rushed against her face her face. The fresh oxygen flooding into her lungs to counterbalance the second-hand smoke she had to tolerate all night. Sweat from bodies she had pushed past to get out of the cramped apartment dried on her skin and she could only think about getting home and showering. She struggled down the stairs in her heels and just took the bastards off about half way down and ambled to her car. "Hey, Legs, hold up."

Spencer stopped and turned around to see Ashley gliding down the stairs after her. "What's up?" Spencer asked.

"You're going home already?"

"Yeah, I…I'm ready to go home."

"I was going to see if I could convince you to stay but you don't seem interested. Can I tell you the truth? I am too. I just want to go to sleep. But I have to wait for Marco to get blasted and take me home and convulse on top of me for thirty seconds before I can get some rest. You know what I'm talking about right?"

"Not exactly."

"Well anyway, I guess I should go back up."

"If you want a ride, I can take you" Spencer was shocked at herself. Why the hell did she just say that? She doesn't even know this girl. It's Marco's responsibility. _Say no, say no_.

"Yeah? Okay, let me just go tell him I'm not feeling well. I'll be down in a second." She disappeared back up the stairs and Spencer stayed put.

She should have just left, not even talked to the girl. What if she lives all the way across town or what if she really doesn't feel good and throws up all over her car? She doesn't want a puke car. Or what if she's some crazy murderer who's going to chop off her ears and make a necklace? Okay, she needed to relax. She was just doing her friend's girlfriend a favor. Girlfriend? Were they dating? He had never mentioned her before.

Ashley came bouncing back down the stairs to the apartment building where she had left Spencer. Ashley had this wide grin on her face, her bleached white teeth beaming at Spencer in the night. She couldn't help but smile back at the brunette.

"You ready to go then?" Ashley asked still grinning.

The two went off in Spencer's old Honda Civic, not much conversation, a little back and forth about classes, movies, music. Ashley had taken full control of the radio and changed the station every ten seconds, looking for something she liked; it was clear that Ashley was slightly more or less intoxicated. Spencer didn't mind though. Something about being in this close proximity to the girl calmed her and heightened her senses at the same time.

Spencer stopped in front of Ashley's apartment, not too far from campus and Spencer's own dorm. "Well thanks for the ride…I'm sorry I forgot your name. That's embarrassing."

Spencer picked bits of foam from her steering wheel, "I don't think you got it actually. Spencer."

"Spencer." Ashley let the word fall from her lips as if she was trying to see how it felt in her mouth. "You look like a Spencer"

Spencer laughed.

"Well _Spencer_, we're friends now right? I hope to see you around more."

"Sure, me too," Spencer replied.

Ashley smiled at her again, that giant beaming smile that her face didn't look big enough to contain. Ashley leaned over and planted a tiny peck of a kiss on Spencer's cheek, "Thanks again for the ride." That pull at her chest intensified and it felt like part of her chest ripped open. Ashley got out of the car and Spencer watched her the entire way she made to her apartment; watching the girl that had ripped open a part of her in thirty minutes. Her phone made a beep and she saw she had a new Friend Request on Facebook from Ashley Davies. 

* * *

Spencer and Ashley became fast friends after that. Much to Spencer's surprise and delight Ashley was more forward about wanting to spend time with her than she expected. Ashley was constantly calling her inviting her to hang out at her apartment or go to lunch or study together. In a few months they got rather close. The attention and company Ashley provided reinvigorated Spencer in a way she hadn't ever felt and she couldn't get enough. It didn't matter what she was doing or who she was with, if Ashley invited her to do something, anything absolutely everything would get dropped so Spencer could see her again.

The worst part was Spencer noticed herself doing it but she couldn't stop. One afternoon Macy had asked Spencer to go to the movies with her because they had barely seen each other, even though they lived together. As they were walking out the door Ashley had sent Spencer a text with promises of movies and popcorn at her place and Spencer told Macy she had to help a friend with a project ditching her like it was nothing.

However, their instant friendship started to develop blemishes. Ashley would still invite Spencer out but often their time together would be cut short by different suitors of Ashley coming around where ever the two of them would be at the time and Ashley would leave with them. A few times it was Marco and after while he stopped coming around it would be a different guy more often than not.

Ashley would always adamantly apologize and claim that whatever guy had picked her up that day had been hounding her to get together and she didn't know what else to do but give in to get him to stop. Despite herself, Spencer placed herself in the same situation over and over again because she couldn't say no to this girl and her beaming smile. At first Spencer believed the excuses but was still a little annoyed. But then it kept happening and annoyance boiled into a white hot jealousy. Spencer had unmistakable affection for the girl, she couldn't deny that. But it was enough for her to be close and occupy Ashley's time. She could deal with that. Maybe accept the friendship outright. But watching these men come and go, watching Ashley giggle at their jokes and play with disgustingly muscular arms tore her apart. Spencer wanted to scream and tell Ashley to fuck off but when she would see Ashley again, she could never even deny her anything, let alone raise her voice. The jealous fizzled out into hurt and hatred for herself.

It went on all spring. This damn sickening nightmarish roller-coaster of emotions Spencer couldn't escape from.

Summer was coming and Spencer was more than ready to get on a plane and fly back to Ohio, to the safety of the house she grew up in, away from California and all the things that made her hate herself. Ashley kept saying she would come visit her. She didn't want to go all break without seeing her best friend. Spencer would nod and agree biting her tongue. But Spencer knew she wouldn't actually come. And she was glad for it, she needed to finally be away from Ashley's gravitational pull. 

* * *

Being back in Ohio meant life slowing down again for Spencer, at least for a little while. It meant spending afternoons out on the lake with her father. When Spencer was a child she spent a lot of time out on Lake Wildwood with her father fishing. He used to go fishing every other weekend. His personal time. He used to go out once maybe every other month but it then started to be every other weekend, he never seemed like the outdoorsman type but he probably just liked the quiet.

Eventually her dad had to start bringing Spencer with him. Her mom had said it would be a good "bonding experience." Spencer had heard her yelling a few nights before about how _she_ never got any alone time. That Sunday her dad came in the room at six in the morning and woke her up. She could smell bacon in the kitchen waiting for her – helping to pull her out of bed at such an ungodly hour. Her dad put her wild bedhead hair into a sloppy braid as she ate her bacon and toast and once she was done he wrapped up the leftovers to take with them and they took off in his old pickup.

That first Sunday, neither of them spoke. After being out there by himself so many weeks he probably didn't know or even want to talk about anything. After the first week he started bringing a little radio with them to fill the silence. Alex didn't mind it much. Except for maybe getting up so early. It was actually pretty nice to be out that early in the morning. It was still a little chilly then, before the sun came up all the way. The first few times, the smell of rotten fish would rise from the dirty lake water, but eventually she got used to it and it didn't bother her so much. They would just sit there in silence with their fishing rods in hand. Sometimes they would catch some fish, sometimes not. If Alex ever did catch something she would make her dad take off the fish and throw it back in. She liked catching them but hated touching them. They were all cold and slimy. He would just laugh at her good-humoredly and help her.

They would make BLTs out of the leftovers from breakfast, and throw the crusts of the bread to ducks. After going out a few times, Alex was allowed to drive the boat. She especially liked that because she used to just sit in the boat when it was kept in the yard on the trailer. She would pretend to drive it while her father mowed the lawn and he could keep an eye on her. The first time he let her drive he plopped her down on his lap and told her how the throttle worked. She didn't quite understand the concept off opening up the throttle slowly and just pushed it all the way the first time and nearly sent both of them flying out of the boat. She got it after a few more tries and she was driving them across the lake like she was doing it all her life. Her dad put his Browns hat on her head and it fell over her eyes.

They started going out on the boat when she was eight and she kept going with him until she was about fifteen. By then they both got busier and the trips got more and more scarce until the boat started to get covered with moss in the back yard.

When Alex came home from school that summer, the boat was cleared off and hitched to the truck for the first time in years. He said maybe they could go out on the water again for old time's sake. That next morning she rolled herself out of bed at the crack of dawn and made breakfast herself, packing away the leftovers.

As they sat out on the boat, Alex appreciated the silence. Fog rolled over the still water, and surrounded them, mountains towered around the lake cutting them off from the rest of the world, all their problems. It was so hard to find any silence in LA. It was hard to find any in herself anymore.

They started going out on the boat when she was eight and she kept going with him until she was about fifteen. By then they both got busier and the trips got more and more scarce until the boat started to get covered with moss in the back yard.

When Spencer came home from school that summer, the boat was cleared off and hitched to the truck for the first time in years. He said maybe they could go out on the water again for old time's sake. More likely he was trying to grasp at stability after he caught her mother cheating and they separated.

As they sat out on the boat, Spencer appreciated the silence. Fog rolled over the still water, and surrounded them, mountains towered around the lake cutting them off from the rest of the world, all their problems. It was so hard to find any silence in LA. It was hard to find any in herself anymore.

"How's school been?" Spencer thought maybe she had started hearing things, but when she looked over at her father he stared back at her expectantly.

"Fine." She replied, looking down at the fishing pole in her hand.

"Seriously, though."

"I've been busy. Classes, and work outs. Stuff like that. I have to keep up with everyone, college is a whole new level."

"You were doing fine when I saw you in winter."

"I've just gotten busier. Getting more involved."

Her father was silent for a long time. He just stared off into the silent morning. "Did you meet someone?"

"No…yes…It doesn't matter."

"Obviously it does. Your mother and I have both noticed that you've lost your spirit."

"I mean to her."

"Spencer. Don't sell yourself short for someone that doesn't appreciate you. You've always been amazing but if you let someone treat you like shit they will. If she doesn't deserve you don't let her take advantage of you."

And she didn't. When fall rolled around and Spencer got back on that plane to California she did so with soccer and school as her only focus. It seemed as if Ashley had lost her interest anyway, they drifted apart. But when Spencer received a wedding invitation for Ashley Davies and Aiden Dennison, not long after graduation, not long since she thought she had forgotten the flaky brunette, and Spencer felt her ribs collapse around her lungs, she knew that she would never be rid of the woman. 

* * *

Spencer brushed lint off her slacks for the fifth time in two minutes. She shouldn't be here. This was a bad idea.

Aiden Dennison's wedding spared no expense. That seems to be what happens when your father is a Senator. It was like no other event Spencer had ever seen. Weddings back home were usually at someone's farm or house, small, intimate. Not at a five start hotel with half of L.A. attending—if nothing else than for the amuse-bouche and champagne the twenty somethings in button-downs and ties were peddling. It was beautiful, glamorous of course, Spencer couldn't deny that. And maybe there was a pang of jealousy knowing that any hope for Ashley would soon be gone forever, not that she ever had a real shot anyway. In a way it was a relief for it to finally be finished.

Spencer asked around a little and managed to find out what room Ashley was getting ready in. She wasn't there to celebrate the couple, just to support a friend. Sort of.

The door was cracked open when she got there, no doubt people had been moving in and out: photographers, hair, make-up, concierge. When Spencer entered the room there were only a few bridesmaids and who Spencer presumed to be Ashley's mother in the room with Ashley. Ashley was already mostly ready, her dress hugged her body and flowed behind her, the train pooled at her feet. Loose curls of brunette fell across bare shoulders.

"Spencer," Ashley squealed across the room, "I didn't think you were coming."

"You know I wouldn't miss your big day."

Ashley chewed on her lip, and averted her eyes.

"Can I have a minute, everyone?" she asked the rest of the room.

"Don't take too long. You don't want to keep Aiden waiting," Ashley's mother said as she brushed past Spencer.

"No, of course not," Ashley replied quietly.

The door clicked closed as the last of the women exited. A silence spread from that clicking lock and blanketed the room.

"I've missed you," Ashley finally breathed out.

"Have you?" Spencer wrapped her arms around herself.

"Of course I have. Spencer, you're my best friend. I knew you hadn't been happy with me, so I guess I just avoided you to keep from completely losing you."

"That's stupid," Spencer grinned and they both laughed. "You won't completely lose me."

"I hope that's true," Ashley sighed and made her way to sit on the edge of the bed.

"You look beautiful, you know," Spencer said, stepping closer to the brunette.

"I hope so. This dress was five thousand dollars," Ashley laughed half-heartedly.

"You don't seem excited," Spencer sat on the edge of the bed next to Ashley.

"I am. I don't know, it's just not quite what I imagined marrying Aiden. I feel like a doll." Ashley started picking at the lace on the dress.

"This is what you want though isn't it?" _Just say yes. Deny me my childish hopes so I can stop this damnit. _

Ashley was chewing on her lip again.

"Ashley come on, everyone is waiting" Ashley's mother rushed in, in a flurry of movement fisting bouquets and exiting again. "You have thirty seconds and I'm dragging you down," she threw over her shoulder before the door clicked shut again.

Spencer sighed and rose off of the bed. Her opportunity had been lost. She turned and put her hand out to the bride-to-be. Ashley's hand gripped Spencer's tightly and allowed herself to be pulled up.

It had been months since the two women had physically been this close. Spencer's stomach tightened and that pull from so long ago appeared in her chest again. Spencer did to best to avert her eyes from the woman but Ashley's slender fingers under her chin wouldn't allow it. Warm, supple lips met her won and Spencer, taken off guard, soaked in al that she could get. The scent of vanilla, the taste of champagne on her lips.

Just as suddenly as the warmth washed over her, it was gone and Spencer was left standing alone in the hotel suite.

_God damnit._

* * *

Sweat pooled on her lower back, the coolness of her pillow long since gone, thoughts flooding her mind—was the milk bad yet? She kind of had to pee. As she turned over again for what felt like the hundredth time, Spencer felt a pull in her chest as she met the cold side of her lonely bed. It didn't seem like she was going to get any sleep at all tonight. She knew she wouldn't, she never did lately when she was in bed alone. She looked over at the clock on her nightstand and the little red numbers burned at her retinas: 1:03. She screwed her eyes shut tight and tried to force sleep to overtake her.

A soft knock at her door cut through the distant noise of the ocean from her open window. Spencer sat up in bed. Part of her thought about just not answering. But then another knock came and she knew she couldn't deny herself. She padded across the house in her loose UCLA 5K t-shirt and red cotton panties. Without even thinking about looking through the front window, Spencer reached out and opened the door enough to peek her head out.

Deep green eyes covered by untamed brown hair met Spencer's. "Hey."

"I didn't think you were coming" Spencer responded, not moving to open the door any further.

"I didn't either. I managed to get away last minute." A pause stretched out between them, a distance that has been building up the past few months. "Are you going to let me in?"

"Spencer, I just want you tonight, okay?"

No it wasn't okay. That's all this was ever about. She never got what she wanted for the last six goddamn months not for the last ten goddamn years. She was just the woman on the side and she was so damn sick of it. Not this time. This time she would end it. It would be over.

But then a warm hand caressed her cheek. The scent of lavender and vanilla surrounded her and she forgot the fight building in her as her hands fell to curvy hips. "Okay," she uttered. Tonight Spencer would forget about Ashley's husband and children at home sleeping – again – while she was writhing in Spencer's bed. 

* * *

"You should probably go," Spencer said getting out of bed and looking around the bedroom floor for her clothes and Ashley's. This always happened. They really should devise a better system than just wildly ripping each other's clothes off like animals. Spencer could really use the extra ten minutes in the morning that she spent looking for her own panties to actually get ready.

"Do you want me to go?" Ashley said sitting up in bed. She didn't make any move to physically get out of the messy bed. She only took care enough to pull the comforter over her naked form.

"Your husband is going to be waking up soon isn't he?" Spencer managed to find Ashley's lacy black bra and silk blouse amongst her own sports bra and t-shirt and tossed Ashley's clothing at her.

"I suppose he will be. Why does that matter?

"He's not going to wonder where you are?" Spencer asked, not looking at Ashley. All she wanted anymore was for her to leave. A wave of guilt always passed over her the morning after. They shouldn't be doing this anymore. She grabbed her shorts and t-shirt she had been wearing the night before and put them back on, all the while facing away from Ashley. Hopefully Ashley would take the cue.

"Why are you worried about this?"

"Why aren't you?" Irritated now, Spencer narrowed her gaze on the other woman. Though she was clearly growing impatient, her eyes still held softness, searching for explanation. This had been going on so long it was unclear to her how it even started those years ago. Tension had been building since Ashley had kissed Spencer at the wedding. It was Ashley who showed up at her door complaining of an empty marriage and a want of real love and they fell into bed together. "I'm leaving him."

"Since when?" Spencer knew she shouldn't believe her. But deep down, God, she wanted Ashley to be telling her the truth. She wanted to be it for Ashley, even if just for a moment.

"Spence, what do you want from me? Just tell me, for once."

"I want you to just stop lying to me. For one second to not be completely full of shit. You know that I love you. That I've always loved you. You knew that when you came to my door after you realized your marriage wasn't everything you thought it would be, begging for me to fuck you— "

"Spencer, stop! Please." For the first time, after knowing Ashley for years, Spencer saw the woman look defeated. "I don't know what to do anymore Spencer. You think I don't want to be with you? I do. I want to be with you. I want to have a life with _you_. But I have children. Jesus, I have a husband, I can't just pick up and leave overnight. I need time. Just give me some time. Please." 

* * *

Ashley had her time. Spencer gave her two weeks. It would be over. Either they would be together or they would be over. Spencer had surrendered nearly a third of her life to this woman, in a constant rise and fall of emotion, a constant pull of obsession. She could spare another two weeks.

She expected Ashley to never show up at all. She expected Ashley to show up in a trench coat high heels and nothing else. She didn't expect Aiden to show up at her door.

"Spencer, I need to talk to you." Aiden said standing outside Spencer's door, hands in pockets.

"Sure Aiden. Come in please." _Shit does he know? _Spencer moved to the side to allow him to enter. He made his way into the house, heading for the kitchen overlooking the back yard.

"Nice boat," he commented. Noticing the small boat moored on the dock in the bay behind her property.

"Thanks. It was my father's. He recently passed and left it for me in his will."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Aiden, what's going on?" Spencer asked.

"I think she's cheating on me, Spencer."

Spencer's heart stopped briefly. "What? What makes you think that?"

"She comes and goes odd hours of the night. Sometimes when I wake up and she's not there. She's been taking secretive phone calls. I smell other men's cologne on her Spencer. Has she said anything to you? You're her best friend, you guys are together all the time, she must have mentioned it." She's been with other men? Of course she has. Of course she would. _Stupid._

"No, Aiden, I've never heard anything of this."

"Do you think I'm crazy? Am I being irrational?" Spencer had never seen a man look so desperate before. Spencer had met Aiden on several occasions. Despite being the other woman, she blended in as Ashley's best friend. Spencer had never felt so guilty before.

"No, Aiden, you're not being irrational. This…this is just who she is. You can't change her. She's a selfish woman. Always has been."

"What should I do?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything. You'll figure it out."

"Right. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I just. You know her better than anyone."

Did she?

"I'll let myself out. Thank you." He stopped as he crossed the room and laid a hand on Spencer's shoulder, squeezing lightly. Then he disappeared.

She needed time? That bitch needed time to get everything together? Heat rose up from her chest, rushed to her head and made her dizzy. Her head was spinning and blood pounded in her ears so loudly she didn't hear Ashley knocking or even clicking across the hardwood after letting herself in.

"Baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Ashley rushed over to Spencer, wrapping her arms tight around the woman. Spencer instantly shoved Ashley off of her.

"Don't you fucking dare! I have been dragged through the mud by you, I have let you jerk me around and followed you around like a puppy for _years_. And I just kept hoping maybe, maybe she'll love me. If I just give her a little bit more and show her how much _I_ love her maybe she'll love me back."

"I do love you! Babe, what's going on? What are you talking about?"

"No. No, Ashley you love yourself! You have always loved yourself more than anything!" Without realizing Spencer had grabbed Ashley by the shoulders and pushed her against the wall, she had been shouting in Ashley's face. She let go and backed away, "And you know what that's fine because you never really lied about that. It's my fault – everyone else's fault – for expecting more from you."

"What—" Ashley stayed against the wall, shaking, in a state of shock at Spencer's behavior.

"Your husband stopped by. He thinks you're cheating on him. He's been smelling other men's cologne and seen secretive phone calls."

Ashley opened her mouth to protest.

"Just go," she headed towards the back door.

"I couldn't be everything to you Spencer! You always wanted me to be everything and I couldn't!" Ashley shouted after her.

Spencer took heavy strides to her dock. The boat was bobbing up and down on the choppy surf. She untied it from the dock and sat down and remaining still for a moment gripping the wheel. Her arms felt too heavy to even move to the throttle. But she did, she had to get out. She was suffocating. She opened the throttle and let the ocean air whip against her face. The shoreline became a dot in the distance behind her. Her home, her life, Ashley. It wasn't until she couldn't see land anymore that she cut the engine. Spencer sat motionless surrounded by the silence. Finally she found silence in the vastness behind her. Before her. 

* * *

Sleep didn't come easily to Spencer for the first few nights. Between the drinking and the fighting though, eventually sleep would come. Images of brunette curls, green beaming eyes and wide grins. Damn that woman for hypnotizing her for so long.

As the days grew to weeks, grew to months, the time mediated the pain. Despite herself, Spencer found herself missing the brunette. Although the time they spent together was primarily in the bedroom, Spencer couldn't help but feel more connected to Ashley than she had felt to anyone. The slow rhythmic breathing against her neck had warmed her on the loneliness nights and she would be lying had she said she didn't crave it still.

So when she came home after her new workout regime, she wasn't as dismissive to Ashley as she may have wanted to be.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer asked, unlocking the front door.

"I was hoping we could talk" Ashley stayed where she sat on the bench on the porch.

"Ash…"

"Spence please, just…just talk to me."

"There's nothing left to say Ashley. Everything became very clear when Aiden was here."

"Spencer I haven't been sleeping around! Please believe me, you're it for me Spencer," Ashley was gripping Spencer's arm tight. Never before had Spencer seen such desperation from the girl.

"Why should I believe you?"

"You just need to trust that I love you."

"That you love me? Ashley, I've been begging you to love me for years and you've proven time and time again that you don't"

"I do! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realize it."

"What exactly made it take so long? What makes now different?"

"I lost you. I guess I always thought that you would always be there and then you were gone and I couldn't stand it. Jesus, Spencer, I've been losing my mind because I just want to be with you and be able to hold you in my arms but I'm afraid I can never do that again."

"Ash, I don't know what to say."

"I'm leaving him Spence. The divorce should be finalized next week it's over. That's why I'm here. I'm serious this time. I just want you and only you and I'm hoping maybe you'll give me this one last chance and I know that we can be happy."

"Ash…"

"Please, Spencer, please." Ashley was crying now, stray tears fell down her cheeks. Small hands wrapped around the back of Spencer's neck and Ashley pulled her their foreheads together. "Please Spencer I love you so much. I need you. Please tell me you need me too."

Spencer pressed her lips against Ashley's in desperation. God she hoped the girl was being sincere this time. Finally hearing those words and actually being able to believe it was too much. Spencer couldn't turn the girl away, even if she hadn't confessed a real love for her, even if the girl wasn't leaving her husband, even if everything she wanted wasn't happening.

"I love you, Ashley," Spencer breathed against bruised lips.

"I love you too, Spencer," Ashley grinned.

"Baby, take to bed," Spencer teased into Ashley ear.

"_Our_ bed."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Spencer laughed as Ashley picked her up so Spencer could wrap her legs around the smaller girl and Ashley carried her inside. 

* * *

**Please review if you feel so inclined. Thanks for reading! :)**


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